I used to dream without ever considering the fallacies of perfection. So, every time I failed I retreated. I sank and hid in the shadows of self-disappointment. I assumed passive-rejection from my “good” friends. I felt misunderstood and alone. I felt like my presence was worth a heartfelt apology and that nothing could fix the unseeable damage that I might’ve already caused by allowing myself to sit in the company of others in silence. My big thoughts weighed heavy in those rooms filled with guys and girls who might’ve been experiencing the same thing. I wanted to speak, I wanted to offer, I wanted to be present, but, of course, I swallowed down my weighty thoughts and I choked on fear.
Now, there are days when I have to tell myself to breathe and to stop being weird because everything will be okay, even if eventually. These are the days when I constantly feel myself panicking. These are the days when I walk into empty rooms and feel as if I’m walking into stadiums roaring with people who require me to offer up the depths of my heart for their entertainment. These are the days that follow after my big accomplishments, the ones when people are proud of me and tell me so. These are the days when I decide to sleep a little longer to check out of the reality of another possibility; because what if every possibility comes with demons of doubt and negativity that want to jack me up with fear and hesitation.
And I’ve got to tell you, that this isn’t cute. It. Is. Not. Cute.
You and me both, we walk around like fear controls us. You ever wondered why you might struggle with your fear of people? I want to suggest that it has nothing to do with them but everything to do with you and the greatness that you carry and your ignorance of it. I challenge you not to ignore this honesty. Don’t pass off this thought, but let it jarr you into a more relevant reality—that You are worth so much more than you think you are. Thus, the most powerful, most incredible, most trustworthy, and most needed thing you can ever do is show up.
I beg for you to come, to show up. I invite you to come and bring your weighty thoughts and your crushing experiences. Come sit with me. Let me tell you how incredible and brave you are, because you are brave and you are incredible. You are worth seeking out. You are worth the pangs of honesty. You are worth words of truth.
I invite you to show up, not for me, or anyone else, but for you. Show up for you. Show up by letting yourself dream of a bigger reality and of a bigger healing in your heart. Let yourself dream of a greater understanding of who you are and your lack of limitations. Be brave. Look into the mirror and tell yourself things that no one has dared to tell you before—that you are beautiful, that you are strong, that you can live without fear. Be bold. Take all the risks necessary to be the best version of yourself that you can be. Be healed and be free. Step into forgiving yourself. Step into forgiving others. Be adventurous. Discover the God who always forgives you and always finds you. I dare you to meet him and encounter his relentless and unstoppable love for you.
Your presence is so necessary. When you show up, you add what no one else can because you are the only you that exists. Perhaps you have been desperately shattered and broken and burned and unloved and unwanted and neglected. When you are brave and you show up, inspite of it all, you prove to the rest of us that we are not defined by our pasts and our pains. We are not defined by our wrongs and who wronged us and how and why. Our definitions are transformed into a value that is too rare for comprehension. When you show up you offer healing. Without even saying a word you offer hope. With every second that you stay you propel a courageous uprising of beauty by the masses. I am moved into freedom because of your bravery.
So, keep it up and keep loving.
Fear has nothing on you.